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Imagine if Don't Look Now
had been turned into a franchise - Donald Sutherland returns from the dead
and together with the red-coated dwarf decides to murder a plethora of
euro-trash actors in modern day Venice, all this accompanied by a soundtrack
of album-tracks from established rock bands and a load of Limp-Bizkit
wannabies.
Ok so The Blair Witch Project was not the most original or scary
film ever - but it was a well developed and genuinely unsettling film with a
brilliantly conceived mythology all of its own. It was only natual in todays
climate of safe hollywood film-making that sequels would follow. Even
excepting this I was shocked at how piss-poor this film is.
It starts with
the premise that The Blair Witch Project was actually a film and not a
documentary BUT what you are about to see is a dramatization of true events
that happened following the release of the original film. It then greases up
and sodomises itself by treating the Blair Witch myth as true, even referring
to events not documented in the first film. Five unlikely young people,
all obsessed with the first film, spend a night in the woods Waking
up the next morning they cannot remember the night before but using the
videos they made out there they piece together what happened. However as we
are treated to flashbacks from the start of the film we already know what
happpened, which is not half as scary as the fact that somewhere in a
production meeting people actually thought that this shit would be
frightening. Even the obligatory twist at the end is as obvious as the use
of naked teenage flesh to sell films to masturbating 13 year old Marilyn
Manson fans.
If you are really bored and have seen all the films in the shop
but this one - rent Steel Magnolias again.
RATING: (c)Matt Cartwright 2001
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The Book Of Shadows: The Blair Witch 2 (DVD/Rental: May 2001)
