Once Upon A Time In Mexico (Cinema: September 2003)

It's been a while since a film of such wealth & potential fell so utterly flat on his face. Sure, there's been the misunderstood, others caught on a bad day, some ruined in the editing, by executive interference, buried by the studio, the list goes on. But a film from the stable of Bob Rodriguez? Starring (top of his game) Johnny Depp & the always eloquent Willem Dafoe? A film that not only follows on from the legend that is Desperado but touts itself as a modern day Sergio Leone-esque epic? How bad could it possibly be? Well, if I told it makes Highlander II & Halloween 3: Season of the Witch essential viewing then maybe you'll begin to understand.

It's difficult to know where to start slagging it off. The characters are superficial at worst, the plot episodic at best. Rodriguez would appear to have shot half a sequel to Desperado with his regular cast & once the big names arrived, had an attack of egomania & set about making his answer to the film's classic namesake. In the editing room it must've dawned on him the extent of the mess he'd created & literally, as the opening titles suggest, "chopped" it all together as coherently as he could. "We are sons of Mexico!" Fuck off, Tony.

His keen Mexican diatribe is honourable yet utterly misjudged with the characters at hand. Banderas' Mariachi deserves another outing just not here. Why waste such a strong centrepiece in an ensemble cast and exactly where does this leave the franchise? Trejo (the Mexican Vinnie Jones or is Vinnie Jones the Welsh Danny Trejo?) is always watchable but the manner in which the director pushes him beyond his natural capabilities acts as metaphor for the entire production. It's no surprise that Depp comes out on top but even this is more by default than from stealing the rug under anyone else involved.

It's perhaps telling how badly distorted this movie is when Enrique Iglesias not only gets cast as the hero but walks off into the sunset, sultana et al, at the end.

A massive disappointment which probably explains why its lingered on studio shelves for two years, awaiting release.

Avoid at all costs.

RATING: NO RATING

(c)Limer 2003